College Dropout.

Managing to narrowly escape an arrest record this over the holiday weekend, I was eager to put my energy into getting settled in to the new Fall semester at City College.  I was looking forward to focusing on my classes and any upcoming school projects that would take my mind off of the fact that my relationship with John was over with absolutely no chance of reconciliation.  The life that I'd become comfortable with was about to change drastically and I was only a sneeze away from finding myself homeless, broke and penniless.  

Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, it dawned on me.  There would be no possible way that I would get through this semester of school without losing my mind!  Something would have to give.  And that's when it occurred to me.  

I would have to drop out of school.    

After looking forward to starting the new year and surviving the crazy summer months, you can only imagine how angry that piece of news was for me to handle.  But it would have to be done.  I would have to drop out of school.  There was no way around it.  

I was sitting on the floor of the empty vacant condo, after moving most of my things out of our place next door when it occurred to me.  Trying my hardest not to burst into tears about what was about to be reality, I settled into the notion.  I would drop all of my classes this semester, but--I promised myself, I would resume my studies in the spring.  I didn't want to have to drop out of school, believe me, I didn't.  But it was something that I was going to have to do.  

Thankfully, we were out of class on Monday which gave me one extra day before I would have to go down to the campus and speak with an advisor.  In the meantime, I was angry.  I didn't want to have to drop out of school, but I knew that this was the one time when it would be best that I did.  There was no way I would be able to focus on my studies with all the other things that I needed to focus on.  School would simply have to wait.  

I skipped my Tuesday classes, choosing instead to stay home and sulk some more.  I didn't want to see John and I couldn't really call Lucy. How had I allowed all of this to happen?  I kept asking myself over and over.  I loved school and now I was going to have to drop out.  I didn't think I could handle any more.  

Wednesday morning, I jumped on my bike, cranked my iPod up as loud as I could handle, donned my sunglasses and rode down to City.  I didn't want to do it.  I had to do it.  Ten minutes later, I was at City--waiting to speak with an advisor, while at the same time, resisting the urge to bolt out of the office and instead run to my afternoon secondary Algebra class.  

My advisor was a nice man who expressed concern over my sudden deciding to withdraw from my classes.  

"Just know," he informed me.  "That whenever you're ready to resume your studies, you're welcome back here anytime.  I understand that you have more important issues to tend to, but City College will be here."   I thanked him, grabbed my backpack and quickly headed for the exit.  I could feel the sweat starting to run down my face.  

Or was it tears?  Either way, with strength that I managed to muster from deep within, I got out of that office and into the morning sun.  Secure behind the dark lenses of my sunglasses, I headed out of the building, across the quad and back to the bike rack.  

And did nothing to stop the tears that were sliding down my face.